the trials and tribulations of long distance relationships

long distance relationships have always caused distress and concern to most people ever having been involved in one. i know that romantic relationships are very difficult to move forward and those that make it work should consider themselves very fortunate and lucky.

not many people consider the strain friendships endure while they are miles away from each other. even if you are one state away from someone, it can be quite an ordeal to connect in any form, phone, email, instant messenger, etc. imagine the hardship attached to keeping in touch with someone on the other side of the country.

this is my story of my beloved cousin, betsy. we are not closely related, her mother is my father's second cousin. the reason why we were raised for the better parts of our childhoods together is because our fathers went to high school and college together. very randomly, they became in laws. this is what initially brought us together. growing up together, being only 7 mos apart in age, we ended up forming one of tightest bonds possible. we were always together. as children, we lived on the same street until they moved further into the suburbs and my father's job put us back into the city. we were separated by less than 2 hour drive and our parents took turns making trips to our respective houses. if we weren't physically together, we were writing each other 5 page letters about only the trivial matters that would consume a 12 yr old or on the phone for 5 hrs discussing anything possible.

as we grew into older and entered high school, our relationship also grew. we started depending on each other for very important advice and helped each other deal with the struggle to assimilate both american and indian cultures. towards the end of high school, betsy became very sick, with even to this very day, i'm not very sure of what ailed her. but i knew it was very bad and caused her to miss a lot of school and a lot of her life. i never knew exactly how to deal with my best friend at these moments. most of the time i would just ask how she was feeling, she would respond ok, and i would take that as enough. i never pried as i didn't know how to console her if she did give any more information other than ok.

then came college and we still would talk very often and betsy still was sick and not getting any better. her living away at school was not working out very well and she'd hint at the health problems and again i'd ask, are you ok? and she'd always answer yes. we continued to talk, not so often as both of our college lives were very hectic. but finally during a conversation later in our freshman year, after asking her my usual, very casual "how you feeling, you doing ok?" she said no, nina i'm not. and proceeded to ream me out for never showing much concern about her illness or her health. we had a very long conversation where i let her know about my own apprehensions and by not dealing with the issue, in my head they weren't there. the fact that she never tried to explain let me live in my fantasy world. she promised to not hold things back and realized she wouldn't be a burden if she did tell me things about her health and in return, i also promised to be more involved in the aspect of her life that i tried so hard to stay away from. we seemed to have gotten even closer and more entwined in each other's routines.

she began to tell me she was looking into exchange programs to regain some freedom and independence as her health seemed to be getting better by the day. she elected to do a exchange with the university of alaska in juneau. i know you all are thinking she is crazy, who chooses to move to alaska? and i agree with you! but she did, because it has always been in her nature to take the path rarely traveled. she did not get the ok from her doctors for the trip, because being in extreme temperatures were not good for her body and she did not handle them well. she forged signatures and left.

in the beginning, we still stayed in fairly good contact. the four hour time difference did not phase us. i was always a night owl and could stay up until 3 sometimes 4 am talking to her and catching up. after sometime, the late nights started to catch up to me. we play tons of phone tag every week. we would email once in a while, with long letters catching up some and yelling at each other on who left the last message and who was owed a phone call. she has been in alaska for almost 4 years and has only been home to visit a handful of times. i have yet to make that trip. the idea of visiting a cold place even in the summertime has very little appeal to me other than my cousin.

betsy has finally come home two weeks ago after almost one year. i got to see her last week for dinner with both of our sisters. after we gave each other huge hugs, we both were eager to ask "what's new?? any new gossip?" unfortunately, our lives are fairly boring these days. only school and work, our love lives lack the drama they once had (that is a fortunate part!). i'm happy to say that, we have been able to withstand time and distance. we have made plans to hang out at least 2-3 more times over her stay back on the east coast. i'm definitely one of the lucky ones, hope if you find yourself in this situation, whether it be romantically or otherwise, i hope it finds you in happiness!