chance or destiny?

so, today i have been left wondering about the people you meet. how they come into your life, some are in and out in a flash, others stick around for a while. i think often about this in regards to a lot of the more important and most meaningful relationships i have in my life today.

the first is one of my best friends, rajvi. we met freshman year of college. we met and were more than an acquaintance but not quite good friends by the end of the year. slowly, over that summer and sophomore year, our friendship solidified. we were there for each other for even the most trivial of matters, studied together, and partied together. as time passed, i transferred schools, we had internships, boyfriends, other friends and family obligations that took us away from each other. we still would call each other every nite and talk for hours about what we were missing from each other's lives. eventually, the phone calls kind of stopped. hanging out was rarely an option. at the time, i figured well, maybe it was something good at the time, but it has now passed. well into our 4th year of college, we barely knew each other or acknowledged one an another. we'd both hear about things happening to the other but we still never made the effort to call. i barely gave it a second thought at the time. then, in the middle of the summer of 2001, i was randomly checking emails and deleting much spam and saw her name. i stopped for a minute. before opening the email, i thought, wow. i wonder what she has to say, what does this mean? will we pick up where we left off? a pity, hey thought about you, thought i'd say hi and we'd write some emails back and forth before those would end also. i didn't even know if i wanted to check the email. after, debating for a few minutes, i decided to just read the email. that i was dumb for over analyzing anyways. i opened the letter, and found out her grandmother had passed away and her mom was already in england for the funeral. she explained that she knew we weren't talking like we used to, but she just felt the need to let me know and talk about it with me. without another thought i picked up my phone and called her. we talked for a while and made plans to meet the next day. while it was slightly awkward, given so much time had passed but also felt so right. we spent most of the day together, catching up on everything. eventually, we were able to pick up were we left off and are closer than ever today. even though it took a family tragedy to bring us together, it did do just that. brought us back into each other's lives. we often talk about how weird it is to think we weren't friends for a long time, to think what our lives would be now without each other. we theorize about destiny, God's plans, and fate with not just our friendships, but in every path our lives have taken. and we have agreed that it is written someplace that we were supposed to be friends until we are old, gray and wrinkled and have fun talking over coffee at ihop and discussing how we will help plan each other's wedding and related activities, raise and discipline our kids, and will continue to meet in the same booth at ihop when we need to get away from our future lives. that our break was just to help us realize how important we were/are to each other.

this then leaves me to another very important person in my life. toby, my boyfriend and bestest friend of them all. we have been best friends since the minute we met. i never thought of a romantic possibility, as he was younger than me, but he soon was the greatest friend i had. we talked all the time, spent tons of time wasting days away. i loved meeting with him in the mornings for tea and bagels at dunkin donuts. we'd wait for each other to grab lunch during classes. we were the best set of 28 partners anyone has seen! watch movies and wander malls aimlessly for no reason but to talk and spend time together. but even we lost contact for about one year. we just, out of the blue, started talking over instant messenger and again became inseparable. slowly, this worked into toby asking me what i thought about crossing that "line". i had so many reservations, being that we were such good friends and losing that year already in our friendship. after getting close again, i was hesitant to lose that again, which seemed my trend in the romantic department. i took a long time mulling over the pros and cons of getting together with my best friend. i was very hot and cold. calling all the time, then not answering a call for days. agree to meet up for a few times, then be too busy to meet for over a week plus. eventually, my mind seemed to agree with my heart and now two years later, i can honestly say i have never known a truer love and look forward to living out the rest of my days with this guy. i wonder if our fate brought us back together as friends and then more or maybe it was just "dumb luck". maybe we will never know for sure, but i think there were forces that helped give us the push to be together.

then i think of my little sister, lisa, who i had no choice in having in my life. she has become such an important person in my life as we have gotten older and more mature. but we definitely had our arguments and fights growing up. i always used to think, man, if i had to choose a sister or even friend, i never would have chosen her! as i'm sure she has done as kid also. but during a very tumultuous adolescence, we learned to depend on each other in a way i don't think many siblings had to. we had to endure our crazy high school and college days along with dealing with the normal crises that occur but also our parents separation and then reconciliation. the separation, i think, was more difficult for her and i had to be the supportive strong one, for not just her, but our mother also. it was hard to act grown when inside i had no idea what was happening. then six long years later, when the reconciliation began, it was very confusing and difficult for both of us to figure out what was happening. she was living at school and i was home. there were many late nite phone calls with me giving her the daily play by play- dad took mom to dinner- they are on a date!! they were talking- civilized!! and we would go back and forth how yes, this could be great or could be the worst, depending on the day. now, i always ask her opinion about everything i do and value her thoughts over my own sometimes. i depend on her more than most other people in my life, but going through our crazy childhoods and now entering a more grown and adult world, i think have bonded us in a way that we may never fully comprehend but understand that we are lucky for having each other, no matter the reason. i know that God definitely thought long and hard before deciding who would be my parents' children! and i know that we both fit well in our situation.

maybe i'm a hopeless optimist, but i'd like to think that we all have a set path and fate set for us. that even if we stray from our path, we will eventually find our way back and if we doubt where we are or what to do, to trust that there are reasons for why we are put on the path we are on. i try not to spend much time questioning peoples motives or why i am friends with people. i try to take my career plans one day at a time, since they are ever-changing. i try to enjoy more than worry, because i feel i'm where i am today because this is where i am supposed to be. and i truly love and thank these people i have mentioned (and a few more that i haven't fit on this crazy long post!) for everything they have given me to be a better and, at the very least, more sane person:)

you always remember your first time...

i'm finally jumping on this blog bandwagon too. i'm hardly prolific by any means, but i thought this would be a fun way to explore the random thoughts that go thru my mind from time to time. i'd like to thank shaunie for making me take this move into the future and getting me to waste more time via the internet!